From "Never" to Marathon Runner: One Woman’s Race for Mental Health and a Lost Friend

Emma ran every mile with passion and purpose, raising vital funds and awareness for Rekindle.  Uncover the courage that carried her to the finish line in her own account of the event.

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I run for fitness, but the idea of running a marathon was something I've always avoided, so actually entering one never occurred to me. The fact I have now completed one blows my mind.

The more running I did, the further I went physically and metaphorically; the goalposts kept moving and something just clicked with me. Because of the opportunity and because of Rekindle’s work, I gave it a shot and entered for the charity place. When I didn't get it the first time, I was a little relieved but gutted too. But then I got a phone call in December offering it to me. I remember thinking, "Oh my gosh, I don't know if I can now," but I gave it a few days, talked to family and friends, and thought: this opportunity that's been given to me — an opportunity I might not get again — and because of the reason behind me wanting to do it, I couldn't turn it down.

In 2015, I lost my best childhood friend to suicide. I still remember the day I found out like it was yesterday, and it makes my tummy flip. Amy was the life and soul of every party, and she filled every room she was in. People used to say, "But she was always so happy and full of energy," and yes, she was — but I knew the battles Amy faced, and as we are all now learning, mental health doesn't have a face.

So, that's what drew me to Rekindle. They support young people between the ages of 16 and 25 by providing counselling and support, which feels very close to my heart for this reason. If Amy had reached out, and asked or was given the right support, she might still be here today.

The training was tough — putting in hours and hours of running and gym workouts every week, as well as managing a full-time job and looking after two children — but I was motivated and dedicated and knew how important my training plan was. I spent lots of weeks tired but not sleeping, fighting injuries and feeling anxious about the big day. "What about the weather?", "Can I do it?", "I can't do this" … Trust me, I had a lot of these moments; I think the actual term is "Maranoia", and that it was — it lived up to its name!

The weekend came: miles clocked, training done, hydration, carb loading. Along with my precious family and friends, we made our way to London.

On the morning of the marathon, the nerves were real, but there was an element of excitement too. However, this time the worries about the weather were not wrong — it was due to be a scorcher. I arrived at the starting wave at 9:45 am, dropped my bag off and waited at the start with some "marathon friends" I met along my journey. The sun was beaming, but it was what it was at this point — now I had to adapt. I was off! Before I knew it, the crowds roared and it was just electric, hearing people screaming my name at every opportunity. I kept a slow pace to adapt to the heat, but by mile 10 I was literally feeling the heat — but the organisers were so prepared. There was lots of water: hosepipe showers, ice, the lot.

I had no idea where my family and friends would be standing, then I got a message from my best friend who said, "Get ready for mile 15." THAT was the push I needed, and there they were — I ran into their arms and cried. It was such a relief and a boost seeing them. They said they'd meet me at mile 21, so that gave me another focus. Just as I left them with hugs and "I love yous", half a mile down the road was my family — Amy's dad Joe, his good friend, and most importantly, my firstborn Ioan, who I hugged and cried with for about a minute. I can't even explain the emotion you get when you see your loved ones and how vulnerable you become — but you leave them with such a boost, especially when you know where you're going to see them next.

I had messages coming in from friends at home, which I could see on my watch while I was running — which was amazing motivation too.

Miles 17–20 were hard. The heat was really getting to me, and there were people passing out in front of me — injured people, people wrapped in blankets waiting for an ambulance, people being sick — and I just remember thinking, "Emma, one foot in front of the other, slow down and run to the conditions, not the crowd." Mile 21 was coming, and I knew I would see my loved ones again... and there they were, feeding me jelly babies and flapjack to keep me fuelled up.

These next five miles were tough — the end was in sight, but not close enough. My knee support tape came off from getting wet running under the cold showers, so my knee went. I had to walk in places, but a walk with purpose, remembering why I was doing this, how lucky I was to get to experience this, how proud my children and my loved ones were, how proud I was of myself — and I ploughed through. The end was near, and I had to walk and run (I think the correct term is "jeffing"). There was Big Ben, which only meant one thing... ONE MILE TO GO!!! In this moment, I used everything I could and put every bit of strength I had left to get to that finish. I saw Buckingham Palace and that was it — foot down and power to the finish. Seeing that finish line, I flooded with emotion. I was smiling from ear to ear, hands in the air, taking in the amazing atmosphere and the fact I had just RUN A WHOLE MARATHON... Me — little old me, who swore she would never run this distance. I did!!!!!

What a truly memorable day I will forever hold in my heart!

Not only did I do this for Amy, but I also did it for all the young people out there who think they are not enough for this world — you are! For the young people who think they can't achieve a dream — you can! It's never too late. Ask for help, get support, reach out and make goals — you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it.

Emma

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The marathon may be over but it's not too late to support Emma and keep her spirits up whilst she recovers!

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